Clouds hung low and heavy in the sky, and I shivered just thinking about the rain that was about to come. Walking along a road I’d never been on, I spotted a man who looked down on his luck sitting on the front step of a house that needed a lot more than a little love and a new coat of paint. He noticed me looking and tipped his hat.
“What are you doing outside? It’s about to rain.” I asked him.
“Well I could ask you the same thing.” He replied with a sad kind of smile. I could see his face was riddled with age, and his eyes were full of loss. He moved over on the step, and something willed me to go sit next to him.
“So was this your house?” I ask curiously. The old house was worn and abused by years of bad weather, but at one time, it would have been a really gorgeous home.
“Yes. Many years ago I lived here with my wife Lilly. But that feels like a lifetime ago. I’ve lived too long to try and remember those things now.” He answered slowly as if trying to recapture the years that had passed and the memories that had gone with them.
“Why don’t you give it a try?” I say as I look into his sad and lonely eyes. He looks back at me and nods. The first rain drops start to slowly fall on the ground and on our shoulders, but neither of us move.
“Well many many years ago, this house was nothing but a plot of land and a pile of wood. I built her with my own two hands from the plans that my sweet, new bride, Lilly, had drawn up for us. She and I put blood, sweat, and tears into this house. It took us a while to get her finished, but she was everything we could have dreamed of and more.” A slight smile had grown on his face as he looked up and around at the house. I felt my fingertips running along the wood and imagining the boards being cut and nailed into place.
“We raised four kids in this house, Audrey, Drew, Alex, and Hannah. Lilly was an amazing mother, and I did my best to be a good father. Oh I tried. There are just forces in this world that work against us.” The smile faded from his face as old memories filled in. Pain from the past showed in the way his shoulders slumped a little lower and his head hung down.
“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.” I say quietly. I didn’t want to break his train of thought, but I also knew that he needed to talk to someone.
“Well let me tell you something. I’m envious of Death. I’ve lived too many years and gone through too much loss in my lifetime. But if Death is going to give me a story, I might as well tell someone.” He sighed, and with determination in his eyes, he continued.
“I lost my youngest when she was only four. Hannah was the most beautiful little angel. We were all in the yard one evening. Lilly and I on the porch swing, and the kids playing in the yard. The ball just rolled into the road and before we knew it Hannah had run off after it. The doctors say she didn’t feel anything, but we sure did. I was angry. Angry at the driver, angry at my other kids, but most of all, I was angry at myself.” A tear ran down my cheek as the old man spoke. Parents aren’t supposed to bury their kids.
“A few years went by and one of my sons, Drew, was driving home from work late at night. He was 17. I told him he didn’t need to work, but he wanted to help Lilly and I pay for Audrey’s college. He was a sweet boy like that. He picked up Alex from a friend’s on his way home. They pulled over to get the mail out of the box before they came in because I had forgotten to, and a drunk driver swerved into their car and rolled it into the ditch.” My heart ached at what I knew he was going to say next.
“Lilly and I buried our two boys that year. Right next to our baby girl. Audrey was our only one left. She was going to be a doctor, you know. She just wanted to help everyone out. But after she lost her brothers, she almost dropped out of school. But Lilly and I wouldn’t let her. She needed to fulfill her dreams. She needed to live. We needed her to live.” The man paused and heaved a heavy sigh while wiping tears and rain drops from his face. He had silently started crying as he remembered the loss of his children.
“Lilly and I worked harder than ever before to help Audrey pay for college and medical school. She was a bright and caring girl. She got a residency at a nearby hospital. Her first patient was her mother. Stage four breast cancer. We had been so busy that by the time we got her to the hospital it had spread. My poor Lilly’s lungs and brain were riddled with cancer. Audrey had just gotten engaged, and Lilly promised that she’d fight to make it to the wedding.” The old man riddled with an old wedding band on his finger as he spoke about his wife.
“She made it to the wedding. But instead of going off on a honeymoon, Audrey came back home to help me take care of Lilly. Things were alright for about a week, but then Lilly took a turn for the worse. She died in her sleep. Right next to me, and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.” Anger flared in his voice. He calmed after a moment and continued.
“I almost had a granddaughter. Audrey was going to name her Lilly.” More tears mixed with rain down both of our faces.
“They both died though. In this very house. I was at work one day, and she was home alone. Her water broke going down the stairs, and they say it seemed like she slipped. Her husband found her and told me to hurry home. When I got there...” His voice shook with the tears and the pain that he had held in for so long.
“Audrey was lying there, her neck and back all crooked. Her husband was slumped up against the wall with my shotgun in what was left of his mouth. I collapsed at the sight. I couldn’t move. Seeing my last child laying on the floor in a pool of her husband's blood broke me. After they were buried, I drank too much and couldn’t hold a job. I lost the house, but I didn’t care. I still can’t go inside it without seeing them. All of the people I loved, just gone. And it was all my fault. I could have done so much more.” He looked up and into my eyes. I placed my hand on his shoulder, and a wave of peace washed over him.
“I’m so sorry that all of that happened to you. But I know none of it was your fault. I saw you sprint to the street as the car sped towards Hannah. I was there when you begged Drew to let you drive him to work and you offered to pick up Alex. I saw the loving way you looked at Lilly every night before bed as you kissed her on the forehead and promised to help her fight the cancer. I was with you when you came home to find Audrey at the bottom of those steps and her husband against the wall. I was there for all of it. But it was never your time.” I paused, stood, and helped the old man to his feet.
“It’s time now.” The old man looked at me with a small smile.
“Thank you.” He said as we walked off into the thickening rain.
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